Alone
by Tanya2
Summary: Margaret realises her feelings for Trapper. Will they both be able to find happiness together?


Alone  
by Tanya  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine, never were, only will be in the future if I marry a media baron!  
I know my timing is slightly off at the end with what really happened in the show. It's fanfic land- what can I say!  
  
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***  
  
It was a warm, summer day in Korea. Slow and quiet, just like Sundays back home were.   
  
This was a thought that most of the M*A*S*H personnel had considered at some point during the afternoon. Henry Blake was lightly snoring in his office, with his feet up on his desk and his fishing hat pulled over his eyes. He had a dreamy smile on his face as he quietly muttered about pruning the rosebuds in his garden. Outside his building, Radar sat in the sun fruitlessly working on his tan with a silver sheet of paper under his chin. He had seen this technique in last night's movie, and decided that if it worked on a movie set, he might as well try it. Klinger sat at a table in his own tent, designing his latest outfit. He had planned to use yellow material to match the gaiety of the season, even though word had it that yellow was out in Paris at this time of year. Everyone seemed to be taking the day easy, and using their time to relax.  
  
Two people for whom the thought of relaxing hadn't eventuated though, were Majors Burns and Houlihan. In fact, the reason neither of them had drawn parallels between the quiet, lazy day in Korea and a quiet lazy day at home, was because both of them were being anything but quiet and lazy.  
  
"I swear Frank! You just keep bringing up the subject of your... of your wife just to vex me! You always do it on purpose!" yelled Margaret in her tent.  
  
"Margaret! I would never do anything to purposefully vex you my darling. I honestly didn't mean to mention my wife when I was talking about your toenails. You have much prettier toenails! Hers are never painted over the skin like yours are. It's so endearing to me darling."  
  
Margaret glared at him. Her usually paper-thin patience with him was wearing by the second.  
  
"Frank, is it at all possible for you to say something to me without mentioning HER?" she asked.  
  
"Margaret you're being absurd! You're the only one in my life! I hardly ever think of Louise every day! I mean I kiss her picture every morning, but aside from tha-" Frank broke off as her saw Margaret pick up the nearest book and hurl it at his head.  
  
"Now Margaret! What was that for?" he asked after he ducked the incoming missile.  
  
"Get out!" screamed Margaret. "Get out and don't come back! Don't you dare come back! We're through! Do you understand me? Get out!"  
  
She flew at him as if to punch him, but he took her signal to leave and ran out of the door. Once he was on the safer side, Frank paused to adjust himself before he looked at her shut door again.   
  
"What a dynamite," he murmured to himself as he walked back to the Swamp.   
  
Meanwhile inside Margaret's tent, Margaret was nearing hysteria. Simultaneously crying and cursing Frank she went around the room trying to find everything and anything that belonged to him so she could burn it. She had decided that enough was enough. It was time to end whatever she had with Frank. She paused and sat on her bed as she thought of this. Her tears subsided as she was mainly crying tears of anger instead of sadness.   
  
"It's over," she said quietly. "It's over."  
  
She would go and return all of Frank's things as soon as she could. Now even; and she would tell him that this time she was serious. They really would be through. She had had enough.  
  
Firstly though, she had to make sure her appearance was immaculate. It just wouldn't do for the head nurse to be seen wandering around camp looking like she had been crying in the middle of a war. She splashed some water on her face to disguise her tear streaks, and sat down again to compose herself. She would head off to the Swamp to confront Frank again in a few minutes.   
  
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***  
  
Over at the Swamp, Trapper was sitting on his chair idly plucking at his guitar. He was thoroughly enjoying the sudden peace of the camp. Peace was a something of a novelty these days what with the heavy shelling the camp had endured over the past week, and Trapper readily accepted the silence as a long awaited gift.   
  
It was not just the silence of the shelling that Trapper was soaking up though. Hawkeye had just gone on duty after they both par-took in a limmerick-athon. He always loved talking to his best friend, but after an hour and a half of "There was a young lady from Kent," Trapper had to admit that even he had his limits with Hawk. After Hawkeye had left, Frank had burst in. However, he then left just as suddenly as he had entered, when he realised Trapper was there. Trap grinned as he remembered Frank complain about the lack of privacy anywhere in the camp. Trapper had made an offhand comment about Major Houlihan's tent, which was what sent Frank packing. He suspected Frank had decided to pay a visit to said tent.   
  
Just as Trapper settled back for a few moments of quiet, the door to the Swamp burst open again.  
  
"Back so soon Fra- oh hello Margaret! What brings you to the Ritz?" drawled Trapper.  
  
"I'm not in the mood for any of your mind-games," she answered stiffly. "Where is Major Burns?"  
  
"I thought he was with you actually. But your presence here without him leads me to believe that he in fact is not with you, and must be somewhere else. Therefore after carefully weighing all the evidence, I must conclude that I don't know where Frank is, since he's not with you," replied Trapper looking over at her. "You planning on moving in here?" he asked as he noticed her arms full of miscellaneous goods.  
  
Margaret scoffed, "This is the last place I'd ever move to. I'd rather sleep in the latrines than in here."  
  
"They're pretty much the same thing. Except the latrines get cleaned out of rats more often than this place does."  
  
Margaret just looked at him before turning around and dumping all of her items on Frank's bed.   
  
"No fair Margaret. You can't spring clean your tent and drop all the trash in here," remarked Trapper from the other side of the room with a chuckle. "Frank doesn't have his wife to clean up after him over here, otherwise she'd be in charge and running the camp I'd assume."  
  
At the mention of Franks wife Margaret felt her eyes grow damp again. It was because of his wife that things between them weren't working out. It was because of her that things could never work out. Margaret stood still trying to compose herself before she could turn to face Trapper.  
  
Trapper however, sensed that something was wrong from the sudden tense set of Margaret's shoulders.   
  
"Margaret? You ok?" he asked.  
  
Upon getting no response, he stood up and walked over to her. "Margaret?"  
  
She turned slightly to him and he saw that she had started to cry.  
  
"Oh honey, I'm sorry," he said before taking her in his arms and holding her as she began to sob heavily.   
  
"Sh, it was something I said wasn't it?" he continued suddenly feeling bad. "I'm sorry Margaret, you know me and my tendency to put my booted- foot in my mouth. I've grown quite partial to leather as a result of it happening so frequently."  
  
Margaret laughed a bit between sobs, and continued to cry on Trapper's shoulder. He continued to hold her and smooth her hair until she was calm enough to speak semi-coherently.  
  
"It's F-F-Frank. We- I- broke off... with him," she managed to gasp out.  
  
"I'm sorry Margaret," said Trapper quietly as he digested what she was trying to tell him.  
  
"All he ta-talks about (hic) is hi- his wife," she said gritting her teeth on the last word. "I just can't take that. I can ta- take anything but that. I'm always se-second to him, an-and I always will be."  
  
Trapper just held her. He wasn't too sure what to say. Margaret knew Frank had a wife when they had become involved; but war was a lonely place. He knew that as well as anyone. He missed his own wife and family dearly. One of his ways of coping with the sudden loneliness he felt after being removed from them, was by fooling around with other nurses. The brief relationships he had formed with some of the women in the camp had served to somewhat fulfil him, even though he knew it was an artificial satisfaction.   
  
He knew what he was doing wasn't right, but it was the only way he found he could deal without being with his wife and kids. He still loved his wife more than any other woman, and would go to the ends of the earth for her. As he held Margaret, he wondered if it was the same for Frank.  
  
"Why does he mention her honey?" he asked Margaret.  
  
"He just doesn't think!" she blurted out. "He doesn't love her. He keeps telling me he doesn't love her. Sometimes he says he hates her even! And yet he keeps talking about her! I never know what I am to hi- hi- him."  
  
Well, that was an all too different story from his own. Every time a nurse had asked Trapper if he still loved his wife, he always answered that she was the only one he did or could ever love. It was then up to the nurse as to how far she wanted to carry on with him. He knew he wasn't being completely fair to the nurses he was with, but at least he was always honest with them, and made sure they knew where he stood. Frank however, kept lying, and stringing Margaret along. Something Trapper could never have done with anyone. Trapper realised that Frank was too weak to ever tell the truth to either of the two women in his life, and as a result they both scorned him.  
  
"It's ok honey," he said still holding her. He felt her sobs start to subside and he kept brushing her hair. "It's tough Margaret. I know you were just trying to find some sort of fulfilment here in the middle of this miserable war. We all are. I think you were just looking from the wrong man. Frank isn't honest enough to have a true relationship with. Not by you Margaret; you've got too much to give."  
  
Margaret stopped crying as she listened to him. "Really? You really think so?"  
  
"I know so!" said Trapper smiling at her. "Margaret, don't let this relationship get you down. You've always been too good for Frank. I've always thought so."  
  
Margaret smiled a little as she heard that. She looked at Trapper and was suddenly grateful that she had found him here instead of Frank.  
  
"Thank you Trap. I think I really needed to hear those words. I've... I've been feeling like a failure because of this. I feel like I lost to his wife, even though that's so silly. Realising how little I mean to him just upset me more than I really wanted to admit," she said glancing away.  
  
"Hey, now you look at me," said Trapper taking her by the shoulders and looking at her straight in the eye. "You are one of the strongest people I know in this whole damn camp." He paused as a brief smile formed on her face. "Margaret, you're not a failure. You don't need me to tell you that. You're just upset at what's happened and that's more than understandable. You're a strong person Margaret, I know you'll pull-through."  
  
"But look at me- here, crying on your shoulder," she said looking down from his eyes. For some reason, she couldn't keep eye-contact with him while they were talking like this.  
  
Trapper touched her chin lightly and drew her face up, until she was looking at him again.  
  
"You've just gone through something very emotional, and all you needed was a friend to lean on for a bit. That's not a sign of weakness, or failure, or any other word you might be calling yourself at the moment. If you were to let this thing take hold of you and get you down for the rest of the war, then perhaps that would be a sign of weakness; but I don't think you're going to do that. I've seen hints of you smiling as we've been talking now, and I know you're going to bounce back from this a stronger, and better person than before."  
  
Margaret took a deep breath and nodded.   
  
"Yes," she started. "You're right. I feel kind of relieved hearing you say that. Actually I feel- I feel much better now."  
  
"Sure you do honey," said Trapper smiling at her.   
  
"Thank you Trap," she said before reaching up and kissing him gently on the lips. "Everything you said meant a lot to me."  
  
Trapper just looked at her. He was somewhat confused at her kissing him, as she had always stated that she'd 'rather kiss a skunk', to which he usually made some remark about Frank. He just smiled and put her kiss down to her still being emotional.   
  
As Trapper and Margaret stood there looking at each other, they both heard voices coming towards the tent. Looking out the back flap, Margaret saw Hawkeye and Frank approaching the Swamp, arguing loudly.  
  
Margaret turned to Trapper, "I should go," she said urgently.  
  
Trapper understood her unwillingness to see Frank again and nodded. As she opened the door Trapper called out to her.  
  
"Hey Major, anytime you need to talk, I'll be here."  
  
Margaret smiled at him before she turned around and left the tent.  
  
Trapper stood for a moment looking at the closed door. He felt bad for the Major and made a decision to keep an eye on her over the coming week, just to make sure she was ok.   
  
Just as it had awhile ago, the door suddenly burst open as Hawkeye and Frank came in.  
  
"I do not care Frank! I do not care if you think I use too much toilet paper in the latrine! I'm far away from home, lonely, over-worked, malnourished, and sleep-deprived. Just allow me this one, little luxury of three squares each visit!"  
  
Toilet paper? Margaret was just in here crying her eyes out over him, and Frank was nitpicking the officers about toilet paper? Trapper shook his head slightly but said nothing.   
  
"If everyone in this camp used their toilet paper as nilly-willy as you do, we wouldn't have enough to clean a bullfrog."  
  
"Frank if we had to clean a bullfrog, I would have thrown you in the showers a long time ago," replied Hawkeye.  
  
"Well phooey on you!" exclaimed Frank in a huff, and he stormed out of the Swamp.  
  
"Dr latrine strikes again!" said Hawkeye, settling into his chair. He picked up a glass and looked over at Trapper, "You want a martini?"  
  
"Sure, as long as you don't use too much toilet paper when you filter it."  
  
Hawkeye grinned as he turned back to the still. "Did you have fun while I was gone?" he asked over his shoulder.  
  
Trapper paused before replying. What Major Houlihan had told him would be well-known news tomorrow. He decided that he might as well tell Hawk.   
  
"Margaret was in here. She told me she broke it off with Frank."  
  
Hawkeye turned around with his eyebrows raised. "Really! Well you wouldn't have guessed from the usual, dim-headed, oblivious way Frank's behaving."  
  
"No, I agree," said Trapper putting his hands on his hips. "I don't think he took her seriously."  
  
"Well knowing hot-lips, he will soon. Especially when she becomes cold-lips to him," remarked Hawkeye.  
  
Trapper smiled and took the martini Hawkeye offered. "Thanks. Where did no-lips go anyway?"  
  
"He said he was going back to see Margaret now," replied Hawkeye.  
  
"He'd better be prepared," said Trapper quietly.  
  
"Why do you say that?" asked Hawkeye.  
  
"Time bomb Houlihan is set to go off on first sight of target," replied Trapper with a smile.  
  
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***  
  
Later that night Trapper and Hawkeye were walking back from the mess tent to the Swamp after eating "dinner".  
  
"I think my shirt would have been tastier," remarked Hawkeye about their last meal.  
  
"You should have eaten some of that toilet paper you're so free with. At least you would have gotten some fibre into you," said Trapper.   
  
As they kept walking, they noticed Margaret walking towards them.  
  
"Here comes Margaret. She doesn't look too upset," observed Hawkeye.  
  
"I take that as a good sign," whispered back Trapper. "Hi Margaret," he called out as she neared.  
  
"Captain, captain," she addressed them.  
  
"Major," replied Hawkeye. "How are things?"  
  
"Fi-" she started to say before she caught a glimpse of Frank walking up behind Trapper and Hawkeye.  
  
"Uh, I have to go on duty," she said hurriedly. She paused and looked at Trapper, "He's not taking it too well," she said softly, and walked away before Frank could see her.  
  
"Look who's her new confidante," observed Hawkeye looking at Trapper.  
  
"Sh, here comes Frank," replied Trapper. "Hey Frank!"  
  
"I am not!" replied Frank angrily, as he walked quickly past them without so much as a glance.  
  
"Well he's taking it smoothly," noted Hawkeye sarcastically.  
  
"Sounds like he brought it on himself though," said Trapper more to himself than Hawkeye.  
  
"Why do you say that?" asked Hawkeye as they continued to the Swamp.  
  
"It's Frank. What doesn't he bring on himself?" replied Trapper looking at Hawkeye with a lopsided smile.  
  
Both men made it back to the Swamp, and entered only to find Frank on his bunk tossing and turning with ferocity.  
  
"Frank if you toss and more you'll turn your entire bunk over," said Trapper as they walked in. "And why are you in bed already? It's only 7 o'clock."  
  
"Oh, you two wouldn't understand," came Frank's muffled reply as he flopped over onto his stomach and buried his head in his pillow.  
  
"Try us, we managed to understand 8 years of med school. Anything should be a cinch after that!" replied Trapper.   
  
Frank peeked at them from his pillow.   
  
"Well, if you really want to know," he sighed.  
  
"Not really, but we want to keep our tent on this side of the camp," replied Hawkeye.  
  
"Margaret broke up with me," said Frank oblivious to Hawkeye's comment.  
  
Trapper and Hawkeye exchanged a glance.  
  
"Sorry Frank. Maybe it's for the better," said Trapper.  
  
"For the better! She broke up with me! Me! Frank Burns!"  
  
"We realise that Frank, you already told us," said Hawkeye standing to get another martini for himself and Trapper.  
  
"I don't know what I'll do!" moaned Frank into his pillow.  
  
"Frank, you're married," said Trapper taking the drink off Hawkeye. "You've already got someone."  
  
"Oh yeah, my wife," said Frank sounding a little cheerier. "I still have her."  
  
"Yeah Frank, you've got your wife. Margaret's got no one now. Shouldn't you be feeling a little less sorrier for yourself and a little more compassion for her?" continued Trapper with a sudden edge to his voice that went unnoticed by Frank, but was picked up by Hawkeye.  
  
"Well she did it! She broke it off with me!" exclaimed Frank angrily. "Why should I feel compassion for her!"  
  
"Maybe she did it because you weren't treating her the way she ought to have been treated!" said Trapper a little louder than he meant to. He was starting to get angry at Frank's blindness towards the woman he had been seeing for such a long time.  
  
"Oh phooey! I bought her things! Things I didn't even buy my wife! If I didn't know any better McIntyre, I'd say you had feelings for her," said Frank trying to bait Trapper, as he seemed to lack sympathy for him.  
  
"Frank, the only woman I have true feelings for is 10 000 miles that way in a little house, cooking my daughters dinner of roast beef and potatoes," replied Trapper.  
  
"Oh you love your wife do you? Did you tell that to the last nurse you went out with last week? Hmmm?" asked Frank sitting up.  
  
"As a matter of fact I did Frank," replied Trapper more quietly. He remembered the date had ended shortly afterwards.  
  
"Well I don't believe you," said Frank.  
  
"Are you calling him a liar?" yelled Hawkeye getting into the conversation.  
  
"I'm just saying he goes out with nurses too and he's married! I don't see why you should get so angry at me when you do the same yourself," said Frank directing his question back at Trapper.  
  
"Frank, I don't emotionally jerk any women around here," said Trapper.  
  
"Oh whatever," said Frank throwing himself on his bunk again. The conversation had strayed off himself for too long, and he didn't seem to be winning this war of the words with Trapper.  
  
"I'm tired, I'm going to sleep," said Frank as he rolled over so he faced away from them.  
  
Hawkeye looked at Trapper and sensed his agitated mood.  
  
"Let's go over to the Officer's Club. I could use a decent drink," he offered.  
  
Trapper looked over at him, then back at Frank. "Sure," he replied standing up.  
  
On the way to the Officer's Club, Hawkeye began humming softly.  
  
"Will you stop that!" snapped Trapper.  
  
Hawkeye looked at him surprised.  
  
"I'm sorry, I thought I was going to have a drink with Trapper, not Frank," he replied.  
  
Trapper let out a breath and held his hand up, "I'm sorry Hawk," he paused. "Frank gets me a little edgy and I yell at you. That's great Trap," he murmured to himself.  
  
"Hey, it's ok. I'd understand if you burned down the compound after that little showdown with Frank."  
  
Trapper nodded. They walked along silently for awhile in deep thought before Hawkeye spoke again.  
  
"I noticed you got a little touchy whenever Frank mentioned Margaret. Care to comment?"   
  
Trapper didn't answer for a minute but looked at his best friend as they strolled up the gravel path.   
  
"I guess I was. I just feel... I feel kinda protective of her, you know?" he replied.  
  
Hawkeye nodded and Trapper continued, "I mean don't get me wrong. Look, you know how it is with me and Louise. Call me a sucker, I'm in love with my wife."  
  
"I know you are. I know you're far away from home too, and I know it gets lonely. God, I don't know what I'd do without nurses!" he said with a smile.  
  
Trapper grinned too. "I don't know what you'd do without nurses either!"  
  
Hawkeye suddenly grew serious again, "But Margaret?"  
  
"Margaret would be good for me. Here. She'd be good for me here. And maybe I'd be good for her too. Here. Who knows what could come between us," Trapper tapered off.   
  
He stopped walking and looked into the night sky. It was a deep blue colour- almost black, with thousands of tiny pinpricks of stars set in it. It was beautiful. It was peaceful.  
  
"But I'd be of no use to her when we go back into the real world," he finished.  
  
Hawkeye paused and looked at the stars as well. "The real world," he repeated quietly.  
  
Both men stood there and looked at the sky; the same sky that their Korean enemies could see. The same sky that their families back in America could see.   
  
At that moment, even though Hawkeye and Trapper stood together, they each suddenly felt very alone.   
  
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***  
  
The next morning, the only lark that was ever heard at the 4077th sounded.  
  
"Attention all personnel! Choppers! I repeat, Choppers!"  
  
"I hate that alarm clock," muttered Trapper from his bunk.  
  
Hawkeye's response was a grunt as both men rose and prepared themselves for more operating.  
  
They met Frank in the scrub-up room, whistling to himself and already cleaning-up.  
  
"Morning Frank. You seem rather chirpy," greeted Hawkeye.  
  
"I am," replied Frank. "I just phoned my wife and told her how important she was to me, and she said she'd never leave me, which means I'll still have all my own funds when I get back, and not have to split them."  
  
"Gee Frank, that's so touching," replied Trapper as he yawned and cracked his neck. "So have you raised enough children to send your funds to college?"  
  
Frank just made a face at Trapper, as the three men stepped into the OR for another long day.  
  
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***  
  
"Suction. Suction nurse! I asked for suction!" yelled Frank as he wielded his scalpel.  
  
"Anymore suction Frank and your hollow cheeks will match your lips," remarked Trapper from his own table.  
  
Frank glared at Trapper, but after their encounter last night, thought it best not to respond.  
  
"Retraction," said Trapper quietly to Margaret who was working with him. She obliged and looked at him as he operated.   
  
Trapper was concentrating as he always did during surgery. It was a good moment for her to observe him. She watched as he skilfully patched up his patient with seeming ease.   
  
"Clamp," he said.  
  
"Clamp."  
  
"How you doing today Margaret? Feeling ok?" he asked looking up at her.  
  
Margaret looked at him over her surgical mask.  
  
"Yes I'm fine doctor," she said nodding. Then pausing for a moment she added, "Thank you."  
  
Trapper grinned at her, which was partially futile under his own mask "No problem. Always there to lend a hand."  
  
"Can you cut the cackle in here? How is anyone supposed to work with that annoying buzz?" came Frank's voice from behind them.  
  
"Nurse, can you check inside Frank's ears? I think there's a bee in his head," called out Hawkeye from the other side of the room.  
  
"Oh hardy-har," retorted Frank.  
  
"Cool it guys," came the voice of Henry Blake from his own table. "We've all got to work in here, let's make the environment as nice and friendly as possible."  
  
"Ok dad," replied Trapper.  
  
"McIntyre," sighed Henry.  
  
The OR lapsed into silence again, as Margaret glanced at Trapper. She started to feel a flutter in her stomach and couldn't work out why. Surgery had never made her queasy before. She shook her head and went back to concentrating on her job.  
  
"Clamp again," said Trapper as he reached out.   
  
Margaret picked up the clamp and handed it to him, brushing his fingers as she did. As they touched, Trapper glanced up and met her eyes. He quickly looked back down to his patient and continued working in silence, but Margaret kept her wide eyes on him.   
  
"Oh my God," she thought to herself. "I'm falling for him."  
  
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***  
  
"Good work in there," said Trapper as he, Margaret and Hawkeye made their way into sunlight again.  
  
"You too doctor," said Margaret as she contrived to look at anything but him.  
  
"I'm beat. I think I'm going to spend a year in my bunk. Wake me when the war is over," continued Trapper as he sauntered over to the Swamp.  
  
Margaret watched him leave before she noticed Hawkeye studying her.  
  
"You ok Margaret? Trap told me about you and Frank," he said.  
  
Margaret nodded.  
  
"I'm sorry Margaret. It seems to be weighing you down a bit."  
  
"Oh, no it's not that," started Margaret.  
  
Hawkeye paused and waited for her to finish. When she didn't speak again, he looked across the compound.  
  
"Do you want to get a coffee?" he suggested. "I'm sure the mess tent's just brewed a new one. Beans harvested in 1909."  
  
Margaret looked at him and smiled. It would be good to spend some time with someone to keep her mind off- other things.   
  
"Sure."  
  
They made their way across the camp to the mess tent. It was empty inside except for two corporals who were playing poker on one side of the room. Hawkeye and Margaret filled their cups and sat down together.  
  
"That was a long stint," observed Hawkeye.  
  
Margaret looked at him sharply.  
  
"In the OR I mean. Not you and..." Hawkeye waved his hand trying to get his message across.  
  
"Oh, right," said Margaret nodding. "I'm sorry, I'm a bit tired."  
  
"Understandable. Even stamina-man himself has knocked-off into dreamland," said Hawkeye referring to Trapper.  
  
He paused before wandering if he should bring up what he'd been wanting to ask her. Fortunately, she saved him the trouble.  
  
"Hawk," she said suddenly. "I know... I know it's been soon after Frank. But how long, uh, how long do you think it takes before you," she took a deep breath, "well, start to fall for uh, someone else?"  
  
"You coming onto me?" Hawkeye kidded.  
  
Margaret smiled wryly at him and took a sip of her coffee.  
  
Hawkeye drank some of his own. "I don't think there's any time limit Margaret. It all depends on the person. Or people."  
  
Margaret nodded, and Hawkeye went on, "Do you think that's happening now?"  
  
"I- yes," replied Margaret quietly. She then couldn't help herself, "Oh Hawkeye, I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't but I just can't help it! I mean he's been there for me time and time again- especially lately, and I can't help the way I feel!"  
  
"It's ok Margaret. You're talking about Trapper aren't you?" said Hawkeye suddenly feeling concerned. He sensed Margaret was looking for someone to love, and he knew Trapper already had that someone.  
  
"I am," said Margaret. "I don't know what to do. I mean he's married! Look at what happened last time I was with a married man! I can't do it Hawkeye."  
  
Hawkeye paused before answering her. "That's something you've got to consider. Trap is married." He took a deep breath, "He loves his wife Margaret."  
  
Margaret nodded. "I know, and so he should. It makes him an even better person. I just can't help it that's all. I mean, I know he's been with other nurses when deep-down, he really belonged to his wife. They've told me how honest he's been about it. I've just... sensed something between us lately. I can't explain it Hawkeye. I just want so much to tell him what I feel right now."  
  
"You can still tell him Margaret," said Hawkeye trying to make her feel better. "He does love his wife, but for the duration of the war he doesn't have her." Hawkeye wasn't sure if the advice he was giving was good or bad. No matter which road Margaret and Trapper would take, someone would get hurt and he knew that.  
  
Margaret nodded at what Hawkeye had just said. "That's right. Maybe I should tell him. I don't think I can keep going like this anyway Hawkeye. It just won't work for me."  
  
"That's up to you Margaret," said Hawkeye nodding. "Just as long as you know what you're getting in for. I don't want to see you hurt again. You seem to create a domino effect on the other nurses!"  
  
"I'll be ok Hawk," she said turning to him and smiling. She made her mind up to tell Trapper she loved him, and suddenly felt relieved for it.  
  
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***  
  
Margaret had decided to talk to Trapper as she could find some time alone with him. It was going to be awhile though, as their CO Henry Blake had just received the news that he was going home. He was to leave in 2 days, and the camp was in uproar as they threw a huge party and organised presents for their beloved leader. Before anyone knew it, the time arrived for Henry to leave.   
  
Everyone turned out for one final inspection, and to say farewell to Henry. As he looked at all the people he had lived and worked with so closely, he couldn't help but feel a wave of sadness come over him. He would miss his two finest surgeons Trapper and Hawkeye, as well as their crazy antics that helped make this war bearable. He would miss being with his friends at the bar here, and relaxing after a hard day at work. Overall though, he would especially miss Radar. The short-heighted and short-sighted company clerk that Henry felt was just like a son to him. Henry stood in front of Radar and smiled sadly at him.  
  
"You'd better be good now, or I'll have to come back and kick your butt!" he said in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere at their parting.  
  
Radar nodded and smiled at him, he couldn't trust himself to speak. In his new suit, which came courtesy of Trapper and Hawkeye, Henry boarded the helicopter that would take him home. Everyone watched and waved as Henry left the 4077th for the last time.  
  
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***  
  
That night, choppers came. It was quieter in the operating theatre without Henry, and Hawkeye and Trapper felt it keenly. Just as they were all half-way through the number of wounded that had arrived, Radar appeared at the door.  
  
"Radar! Mask!" yelled Trapper at him.  
  
"If that's my discharge Radar give it to me straight. I can take it!" quipped Hawkeye from behind him.  
  
Radar just stood at the door, "I have a message," he started. "Lieutenant-Colonel Henry Blake's plane was shot down over the sea of Japan. It spun in. There were no survivors."  
  
The OR stilled, and lapsed into silence as all the personnel absorbed the news. Everyone was shocked and in disbelief. It couldn't happen to Henry, they all knew him personally. Someone sniffled as the news started to sink in. This was what war really was about. They had all just lost a really great person in their lives for no reason whatsoever. A mixed feeling of anger, sadness, and bitterness filled the air, but still no one spoke. Everyone would remember Henry. But for now, they all quietly did the only thing they could, and resumed their work.  
  
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***  
  
Two days later, Hawkeye came into the Swamp to find Trapper writing a letter to his wife.   
  
"Trap, I got it! 6 days R&R in Tokyo!" He let out a whoop and sat on his bunk.   
  
"Congratulations! I think you need it- you've exhausted most of the nurses here!"  
  
"Oh Trap, I wish you could come with me. I think this will be the first time I'll be there without you," said Hawkeye somewhat sadly at the thought of not having his best friend around with him.  
  
"Wish I could too," said Trapper wistfully. "But with you gone, we'll only have 2 surgeons left, so I'd better not."  
  
"Well, I'll send you a geisha in the mail."  
  
"I won't fold any parcels coming my way then!" replied Trapper. "When are you off?"  
  
"Tonight. I can't wait!"  
  
"Neither can your future geisha!" replied Trapper.  
  
Just as Hawkeye was about to reminisce about his past exploits, a knock came at the door.  
  
"Enter if you're decent," called out Trapper.  
  
Margaret came in and looked at both Trapper and Hawkeye. "Mind if I join you?"  
  
"Not at all. Please, take a seat," replied Trapper removing his feet off a chair.  
  
"How's it going Margaret?" asked Hawkeye putting his own feet in the air.  
  
"Fine. I just- It was somewhat quiet over my side of the camp. With Frank moving into Colonel Blake's quarters, it's been rather frosty there," she answered.  
  
"With Frank there, feel free to come here any time," said Trapper putting his hands behind his head.  
  
"Thanks," said Margaret. She looked over at Hawkeye and saw him pulling out his bag.  
  
"Where are you going?" she asked him.  
  
"R&R," he replied sticking his nose in his bag. "&R&R&R&R. I'm off to Tokyo for awhile! Looks like it'll just be you and Trap around here," he continued with his back to them.  
  
At that remark, both Margaret and Trapper quickly looked away from each other. Margaret stared at her hands as if she had never seen them out of gloves before, and Trapper began to make a detailed study of the patches on the roof.  
  
"I can't wait to get out of here," continued Hawkeye pulling out some shirts from his closet, not noticing their uncomfortable silence. "Oh, I'd better go and see Radar. He's still got my papers. I want them in my hand before Frank changes his mind."  
  
With that, Hawkeye left the Swamp without so much as a backward glance at Margaret and Trapper.  
  
"He's lucky he's going," stated Margaret.  
  
"I agree. Wouldn't it be nice to have just a few days away from all this," mused Trapper thinking of Henry.  
  
"Mmm, so much has happened lately," said Margaret.  
  
Trapper nodded and looked at her. "You ok? We haven't had much of a chance to talk. Not since Henry..." Trapper trailed off.  
  
"I'm ok," replied Margaret. "How about you? I know you and Hawkeye were close to him."  
  
"Yeah, we were," said Trapper quietly. "God, he was one of the greats. And now he's... it's just not fair Margaret! It shouldn't have happened! Not to him. Not to Henry." he said forcefully, turning to her.  
  
"I know Trap, I know," she said putting her hand on his to calm him.   
  
They looked at each other for a moment, and neither of them dared to move. A crunching noise outside broke their reverie as they both recognised the sound of Hawkeye's boots. Margaret smiled somewhat shyly at Trapper before standing up.  
  
"I've got to go on duty again," she said quietly.  
  
Trapper drew a deep breath and nodded. Margaret turned to walk away but Trapper stood and touched her wrist to still her.  
  
"Major, if you're free tonight, why don't you pop in. Hawk will be leaving in a few hours and I'm not used to being alone in the Swamp."  
  
He saw her veiled eyes and continued, "I just want to talk Margaret. Don't worry. I just need to talk to someone."  
  
She smiled shakily at him and nodded, "I'll be here Trap."  
  
With that she turned and left. Trapper didn't know what on earth he was going to say to her tonight. He just knew that they needed to talk, and he needed someone there.   
  
He sighed and ran his left hand through his mass of curls before sitting down with a martini. He was going to need a few drinks to make it through the rest of the day.  
  
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***  
  
Margaret sat in her tent looking in the mirror. She wasn't kidding when she had told Trapper that so much had happened recently. Over the past fortnight she had ended it with Frank, gone through the death of Henry Blake, and realised her true feelings for Trapper. It was enough to make her head spin.   
  
She looked away from her reflection and started brushing her hair for the 13th time that night. Margaret was nervous about seeing Trapper again. Hawkeye had left over 2 hours ago, and she knew Trapper was in the Swamp. Alone. Margaret had made her mind up to tell Trapper exactly how deeply she felt for him tonight. She had to.   
  
The full force of what she was about to say suddenly hit her and she paused in her movements. Insecurities crept in her mind, and she suddenly felt queasy in her stomach as she did in the operating theatre that day. Despite her agitation however, her desire to see Trapper greatly overpowered any apprehensions she may have had. She lowered her hairbrush, and stood to go and meet him.  
  
As she neared his tent she could see him inside, looking under his bunk. Wondering what he was doing, she entered without knocking.  
  
"Trap?"   
  
"Wha-? Ow!" he said as he stood up and hit his head on the frame of the bed. "Oh, it's you Margaret! Come in, you won't believe this!" said Trapper excitedly.  
  
"What's happened? Is everything ok?" she asked somewhat confused.  
  
"What's happened? The best thing that could ever have happened has happened! I'm going home! Can you believe it Margaret? I'm going home!" Trapper was bursting with euphoria, and started to do a little dance at the foot of his bed.  
  
Margaret stood there looking at him with her mouth slightly open, as the impact of his news struck her. Home, he was going home. He was leaving. He was leaving her.   
  
As sad as she suddenly felt, she smiled. Margaret knew that she couldn't wish such good news on a better person.   
  
"Oh Trap, that's wonderful! You're going home!"  
  
Trapper laughed and seemed almost giddy. "Oh Margaret, I just found out 5 seconds before you entered. This is unbelievable! I have to go and call Louise, she'll be so excited she'll burst into tears, I just know it! Ha ha! I'm going home!"   
  
With that, Trapper picked up Margaret and spun her around. She couldn't help herself and laughed with him. She was truly glad to see him this happy.  
  
"Go Trap. Go and call her. She'll be so happy to hear from you," said Margaret smiling as he put her down.  
  
"Oh Margaret, thank you! I'll be back!" said Trapper, and he gave her a quick kiss on the lips and raced out of the tent.  
  
Margaret walked over to his bunk and held her fingers over her lips. She was happy for Trapper, she really was; but she suddenly felt very alone. Frank gone, Henry gone, even Hawkeye gone for 6 days, and now Trapper gone. People coming and going was part-and -parcel with the whole war experience. She always knew that, but now she was living it and losing people was much harder to cope with than she expected. She looked around the room and her eyes settled on Frank's old bunk.   
  
"I thought I loved him," she thought to herself. "But I only really loved one man who lived here. At least he'll be back home where someone else loves him... and where he loves her."  
  
She smiled despite herself, as she thought of how happy Trapper would finally be at home. He wouldn't feel alone anymore. The knowledge of him not being lonely in this war any longer warmed her, and with a sigh she stood and walked to the door of the tent.  
  
She opened it and paused, but stepped through without a glance back.  
  
*END* 


End file.
